I now know I'm a runner.........

I now know I'm a runner.  Why do I know I'm a runner now, because when I downloaded my watch today and looked at my total for the week, I immediately started thinking: "Only .03 more and I would have had 15 miles for this week.  Ok, that means I've got to put my running shoes back on and go do 1.03 and make it 16 miles."

You thought I was going to say go run .03 and make it an even 15 didn't you?  Well what kind of runner would I be if I did that?  If I'm putting my shoes on then I'm at least putting in a mile.  And maybe even 2.03 miles.  We will just have to see.

But the 14.97 miles is nothing to feel bad about.  See this is the most miles I have EVER ran in one week.  One week!!!!  Yes, I know, my wonderful husband ran 13.1 in 2:23 just 14 days ago but that is him and that isn't me.  This is the girl that three years ago when I LOOKED at the couch to 5K app's day 1 week 1 exercise routine wondered if I would ever run for 1 minute much less for 1 mile.

I've come a long way baby!!!  Now you must understand I'm not a fast runner.  I don't know if I will ever be a fast runner, cause that isn't my goal.  I also don't look beautiful when I run.  My hair pulled back in a ponytail makes my face look rounder than normal and my lines of wisdom more apparent.  Soooo not a pretty site.  My legs, stomach and butt jiggle like jello and I sweat.  I mean I really sweat.  There is no way you can call that glistening.  I am also not very graceful.  I do not look like those wonderful professional inspirational photos that everyone post on their Facebook.  I resemble something more like a hippo or elephant.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself and before anyone starts hammering me about on hippo and elephant abuse, I think they are beautiful creatures.  I'm just saying when I say I'm a runner, please don't imagine one of the elites going down the street.

I'm very proud of how far I have come and I am excited to see where I am going to go with this.  It's all about me and my times and my races and my miles.  And I am loving every step I take.

Get serious

I am so struggling with my weight!  It really makes no sense.  I am more active and still gaining weight.  I'm not as consistent as I should be but hey I'm far more active than a lot of people.  Yet I am, as of this morning, at the highest weight I have ever been!!!!

I'm not depressed about it but I am feeling a bit discouraged.  I'm not wanting to be 100 pound super model but I'd like to not have a double chin in every stinking photo I take. I've been running for almost a year, again not with great consistency, but I can run 35 mins without dying or at least thinking I'm dying.  This is a HUGE improvement over a year ago. 

I want to do this for me.  There really is no other reason because my wonderful husband and fabulous daughters love me and tell me this all the time. 

So why can't I succeed in losing 40 pounds?

What is there to say?

I sit here trying to think of something to write and find myself without words.  Or is it that I'm without subject.  Of course I could use the obvious ones of new years and new resolutions.  I could talk more about my hopes and dreams but really those are boring.

What about the fact that the tree is now down and the decorations (for the most part) are put away.  I could look back at the many changes of 2011.  The making of new friends or the lost of old ones.  The many attempts to change either through weight lose to the journey of walking as Christ.

There have been moments of pure joy (not as many as I would have liked) and days of great pain that caused tears to fall without ceasing (far more then I care to remember).  Each and every moment though, are pieces of my life that make me, well, me.  Through some pain, I learned that each moment is precious and to take for granted our time with those  whom we love could lead us regretting our choices and the priorities that led to those choices.  Through other pain, I learned that we can only change ones self and it matters not if we forgive someone of their actions, we may still need to set limits concerning them if their actions continue to be the same.  I have learned that secrets are some times kept by others because they think it is the best for all, but in all actually secrets only cause more pain and sorrow and leave people feeling lonely.  Joy came from witnessing 17 women deepen their walks with God over a period of 72 hours and from seeing the joy on a 14 year old's face as she passed her driving test and made 3rd chair 2nd alto at All Region choir.  More joy came through the deepening of a relationship over the summer with two family members that I had not had an opportunity before to really get to know.

There are many things from 2011 to think about and learn from but that's just it, they are to be learned from.  They are not the to be hung onto and wallowed in.  It's a new day.   And a new day is a new opportunity to be whom God is calling me to be.