Christmas Time

I just spent over an hour typing a Christmas post of which blog saves every so many minutes.  Some how in a matter of seconds, I was able to unintentionally and with know clue how, highlight and delete the post just as the software was doing a save.  Lost the WHOLE thing.  And it wasn't a short thing.  AAAAGGGGHHHH

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all my family, friends and those I have yet to meet.

God has blessed me with a wonderful loving husband; beautiful intelligent caring daughters; extended family and friends too numerous to count.  The love that fills my heart with these blessings overflows.  I wish each and every person this love.  If you have lost someone one this year, I am praying for you this holiday season.  God is always with us.

God loves you.  I love you. And nothing you can do can change that.

Love to you all!!!

Couch to 5K

Back in June Marty and I started doing the Couch to 5K running plan.  Not really to get ready for a 5K but to get us off the couch and back to being active and healthy.  This is a 9 week program where you run 3 days of each week, so you would think we would be done by now.  LOL.  Well we're not.  Marty is way farther then me but he is going at my pace so I will keep doing it.  We are on Week 5 Day 3.  Day 3 is 5 minutes of warm up, 20 minutes of running and 5 minutes of cool down.  When we started, I could barely run for 1 minute and I could hardly imagine that I would run for 30 minutes straight.  We did Day 3 Week 5 on Sunday and I was able to run 14 minutes of the 20 minutes and travel 5 laps around the football field.  This is just amazing to me.  I have NEVER in my life ran 14 minutes for any reason.

I will let you know if I actually make it to 20 minutes.

Pumpkin Carving

We finally found a Saturday where we could make it to the pumpkin patch and get our pumpkins.  Every since we started carving pumpkins in girl scouts my girls have to carve a pumpkin each year.  It's really cool that they love it so much.  Pumpkin carving isn't something we did very much when I was young.  I only remember doing it once or twice, but it is becoming a family tradition for us.  The girls do a very good job of carving too.

Emily did a witches hat.  Erin did a laughing pumpkin and Marty did a traditional pumpkin.

Life as of Late

There has been so many things helping lately.  I have thought many times about blogging and just haven't done it. Too bad my thoughts have to go through my fingers to the keyboard to blog.  LOL.

In the last month, I have become the mom of a teenager.  Emily has grown up so fast.  It is so hard to believe that it has been 13 years since we brought her home

Back to School and back to routine

School starts in just 10 more days.  Emily is going into 7th grade and Erin into 5th.  Man, is this going fast. 

Last week we picked up Emily's schedule.  Lots of hype over getting a piece a paper.  She spent all afternoon finding out she had no classes with any of her friends.  Which I understand not having any of the electives with none of her friends because one is an athlete, one is a wanting band, one is a drama queen and Emily is into choir but her basics?  She is taking PreAP English, PreAP Math, and PreAP Science and her three best friends are too.  How many PreAP classes are there?  This is the same 350 kids she went to school with last year, come on.  Anyway, being the laid back kid she is, she wasn't upset in the least.  Just OK and prepared me a supply list to go shopping for.  Got to love that kid.  She makes my life so easy.

Now if she would just plan her 13th birthday party for me I would be all set.

Erin doesn't find out about her team until the 10th.  So we don't know if she will be with any of her friends or not.  She is patiently anticipating though.  She feels like she knows that school already from going up there for her sister's parent/teacher conferences and art night.  We shall see.  There is one friend from day care she is really wanting on her team because when they opened a new school 3 years ago and did the rezoning she was moved to another school and they no longer got to see each other.  She so wants to get to spend time with her again.

Negative vs. Positive

Wow!!!!  I was just typing a post (which I deleted before I posted it) about my job and while thinking about it and my last post I realize. "Dang I'm sure negative."  That isn't like me.  I'm always the up beat one, the Polly Anna of the group.

Never Stops, Does it?

We never out grow it do we? We never stop having those stupid high school dramas. Why is that? Why can't we grow up and just get a long? Why must we all be so self absorbed that we don't realize that others have issues too?

Christ tells us to love one another as we love ourselves. If we were to all do this I don't think this would be a problem. There wouldn't stupid issues of: "you don't ever call me." "You visit him more then you do me." "OH, you didn't invite us to the party." Why do we get our feelings hurt over, most of the time, unintentional exclusions? In high school it was because we didn't get invited to "THE" party or "THE" movie or "THE" whatever. But at what age do we stop feeling we are deliberately being cut off when most of the time it is just the lack of time people have in their busy lives.

I'm having an issue right now and I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it which is just silly because I have a ton of wonderful friends who would listen if I would just call. I know that their life is full of issues they are dealing with and so I don't want to call. What this does though, is it makes me feel like no one cares and like I'm the one always being there for them but not getting the same back. Which in turns makes me want to be there less for them because their not being there for me. Yet, I'm not giving them the chance to be either, but shouldn't they know me well enough to know what all is going on with me. Shouldn't they be calling and just checking in on me? Why must I be the one that always makes the calls? Thus a vicious cycle continues to go round.

I have tried to turn this over to Christ so many times but I am a weak, weak human and I let this chain of gloom drag me down. I love my friends, my sisters and would do anything and everything to move heaven and earth for them. I always try to put my sisters needs before my own and be Christ servant of love to all. Yet when the guilt monster comes out because one has needed more attention and thus left another feeling slighted, I can not deal. How do I get past my feeling of despair when someone feels that I'm not their "true friend" because I have not been there for them as they expect me to based solely on their view of the situation.

Sometimes I think facebook, instant messaging, twitter, text messages and voicemail have truly destroyed good friendships because us humans feel slighted when someone responds to another post but not ours, or comments on their photo but not ours, or they don't get right back to us when we sent them a text or twitter. REALLY - When will we ever stop putting so much pressure on each other to make us happy. Isn't that what we're looking for? You call me and show me I'm important to you and thus I'm happy. I call you and show you your important tome and thus your happy.

When will I fully let go and let God handle this? How many times do I have to take it to the cross? I guess Satan knows me too well and thus continues to undermine me growing in God.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Gracious father, please take these evil feelings of loneliness and despair and inadequacy away. Please help me learn to discern the issues that I should concern myself with and to let go of those that are really of no merit. Guide me each day to love and accept each person as children of yours and remind me that we each fall short of perfection. Help me to forgive those that may not understand me or who may think ill of me and learn that being liked by all is far less of importance then being loved by you. Let me find my happiness in you and the wonderful blessing you have granted me. I just want to be your daughter, to walk in your way.

With all my love,

Walk to Emmaus

The Walk to Emmaus is a very important part of mine and Marty's life and I have been asked to be a Lay Director in 2011. Basically a lay director is the person that puts the walk together for the weekend. They are responsible for getting the people to work, and organizing all the speakers and making sure all the supplies are there. It's a huge responsibility.

I'm a very organized person and have organized vacation bible school for 5 years, plus a children's ministry for 4 years, plus a girl scout troop of 10-20 girls and even a gs camp for over 150 girls. So I know I can do this BUT I'm so scared. I'm worried that no one will want to work this walk, which Marty swears is ridiculous. I'm scared that there won't be any one that is available because it is in Aug and everyone will be getting ready for back to school. I concerned about the ton of reading that a lay director must read through out the weekend. I'm concerned that I will not be a good servant and listen to what God is telling me to do.

See my walk was a pivoting point on my journey with Christ and it was because of the servants that Christ put there on the walk to help me discern the path that God had for to travel on. What if I don't LISTEN and do something more out of obligation? Stupid by most opinions I'm sure but I feel so very unworthy of this task. Christ is counting and me and I am counting on Him to see me through. I just have some doubts about my ability.

Hearing the Calling

Every since Marty went on his Walk to Emmaus walk April 2006, he has been trying to discern the feelings God has been stirring within him. Marty is a cradle Methodist, which means he was born to a family that attended church regularly all his life because they had attended church all their life and that denomination has always been Methodist.

Marty was raised in two very different Methodist churches though. His home church and the one he was baptist and confirmed in was Pulaski Height UMC in Little Rock and it is very high church. They are televised and have 4 or 5 associate pastors as well as the senior pastor. Then there was his Grandmother Bowie's church in rural McCool, Mississippi. That church had an a circuit pastor, which they shared with two other churches. The pastor would preach at one church, travel to the next and preach and then travel to the last church and preach. The congregation was small, maybe 10 or 20 when Marty was growing up with those hard pews with no padding and there was a little elderly woman who always played the piano. It was a very broad church experience to say the least.

Pastors are also common in his family. His Uncle John (Dad's older brother) is a retired United Methodist pastor and John's son Scott is a United Methodist pastor.

Well he has been wrestling with: is he or isn't he being called by God to preach. He's currently a lay speaker by taking lay speaker 1 and 2 classes offered by the United Methodist Church, but the path before him has a few options. He can try to go to seminary and become an ordained minister, he can do some seminary but only become a local pastor or he can just continue to be a lay speaker. He doesn't know which is the path that God has planned for him but today was the first of a feel many times to come.

Today I got the humbling pleasure to hear him preach for the first time. Rev. Aubrietta Jones is on maternity leave from Old Austin UMC and she had asked Marty to fill in on one of the days she was off. Today was that day. It seemed very fitting that it was Father's Day to be his first sermon. His Dad and Mother came along with me and the girls, but also Emily Bredfield brought her girls. Which was very fitting because the first person I heard express their option to Marty that he should pursue preaching was Chip. I am truly sorry that Chip wasn't here to hear him though, but Emily and the girls were there for him. I don't know who was more nervous, me or Marty but it would be close. Then during offering they played Mercy Me's song "Here with Me" and the video. I lost it. The tears started and there was just no stopping them. The pride I felt being there in the Lord's presence knowing Marty was doing something he was called to do. I can't describe it any more then I could turn the tears off. It was so awesome and he did such a great job. I couldn't be more proud.

I love you Marty. What ever path God calls you down, I will be right behind you with my love and support.

Day 2

This is only day two of trying to get my size 12 body heading to a 14 turned around into a size 12 heading to 10 or 8. I am not "depressed" but I so hate how my clothes look on me and I can't stand going shopping because of the sizes. This is really just a selfish because my wonderful husband and beautiful daughters tell me all the time that I shouldn't say I'm fat because I'm not. Well, I may not be fat but I'm not happy with my muffin top or my double chin.

So thus begins my determination to get fit. I have a friend who is fit and I want to look like that. It will not happen over night and it may not even happen in a year but it is one day at a time from here on out. I'm not dieting because diets do not work. Diets never work and please don't be offended if you think they do. Being fit is a way of life that when I was in junior high and high school I could maintain while surviving on cokes and snickers for lunch every day. But this 40 year old body is not going to be fit if I continue to have a sedimentary life. (Don't you love the fact that we grow up to get jobs to pay the bills and they turn out to be killing us slow as we sit in our cubicles?) Ooops! Sorry, don't chase that rabbit.

We are not doing much at the moment but walking the track and trying to not snack. I love to snack and my cubicle is the perfect place to snack, but again I digress. We walked 8 laps last night and sweated. Though I need to do way more of that as my fingers resemble little sausage links but which really is water retention. Too much salt in my diet. I love salt and salt loves to keep water in me.

We are talking about doing walking and bike alternatively which I love but I don't know if I get as good of an exercise with biking. I don't feel as tired when we bike. Maybe we need to do more then 18 miles but time in the evening isn't on our side.

Well, I will try to post more though I know I'm only talking to myself here. But, maybe I can hold myself accountable if I assume someone is out there reading this. Ha Ha. Let's see if this motivates me.

Time for a shower. I smell.

PS. There will be no before bikini photos for a while of this body. Like you wanted to see this in a bikini. LOL

Easter with my girls and hubby

Getting to spend the last four days going through the Passion of Christ with my girls and my hubby has been such a wonderful time.

Thursday evening we went to Old Austin UMC and celebrated Maunday Thursday together. For those that may not know what Maunday Thursday is, simple it is a communion service that focuses on the last supper the disciples shared with Christ. It just amazes me the similarities we have with the disciples on that night. The Bible doesn't tell us what each of the disciples thought that night but the general consensus is that no one actually understood what Jesus was telling them but many of them knew something special was about to take place.

Friday night we went to our church property in Greystone and celebrated Good Friday together. Readings were done by Jeff, Aubrietta, Marty and Mitch of each point of the betrayal through when Christ took His last breath. We were each given a 20 penny nail to pray over and to ponder OUR personal sins that Christ died to wash away. After the readings, we each took our nail and hammered into a cross that had been erected.

Saturday afternoon we all gathered at Magness Creek Elementary school to hunt Easter Eggs and spend some time with our church family. The girls did a great job hunting eggs and won many prizes. I was the event photographer and photographed the kids that were will with the Easter Bunny. I know, I've been asking the question and trying to find the answer too. What does a bunny and eggs have to do with Easter. When I finally find it, I will let you know.

Sunday morning we all got up and were at Cypress Creek Country Club in time for SonRise Service. It was a beautiful sunrise and a balmy 58 - 60 degrees. So much improved over the 30s and 40s of the last couple of years. It was a beautiful morning with 200+ of God's children gathered together.

Emily and Erin got wear their new Easter dresses this year and I must say, they take my breath away. God blessed me and Marty with two beautiful young women that bring nothing but smiles and pride to us. Thank you God for all the blessing you have given me, but thank you most for the blessing of your Son and the fact that I know that He died and then rose from the grave just for me.

Happy Easter everyone.

Forgiveness

Okay, for the last four weeks our church has been doing a church wide study called "Live Like You Were Dying." Yes it is based off the Tim McGraw song. It is only four weeks long and the topics have been 1) live like you are dying, 2) speak sweeter, 3) love deeper and tonight 4) give forgiveness.

Now we were charge to do a spiritual inventory of the broken relationships in our lives and then to call, visit or email those people and reconcile the relationship(s). I've been thinking about this and I sit here and struggle with the doing. Not with the reason why we need to but just the doing. I fully agree that Christ has forgiven me and all who have sinned and to be like Him, that I too must forgive. But the calling of someone who has hurt me and tell them I forgive them or someone whom I have hurt and ask them to forgive me????? How do I do that? How do I know they even give me a second thought much less care? What if it was something big to me but something they don't even remember? What if I did something that is eating away at someone that I don't now about and I miss communicating with them and asking their forgiveness?

What if...........

I can only repair myself, I know. It must start with me, I know. But where do I start, this I don't know. There in sits my dilemma. Who have I hurt? I have never meant to hurt anyone in my life. I can't stand to think that I have though I know I must have. After all, I'm human and it's our human nature.

If anyone out there is reading this and I have hurt you, please send me an email and let me know. It's not that whatever I did that hurt you doesn't matter to me but I just don't remember all that well anymore. Not an excuse, mind you, just a sad fact that I keep trying to avoid. I barely remember yesterday much less last week, or last month, or last year.

Forgiveness - what a complexed emotion. Can we ever really give it and let go like Christ? Can someone we tell we are sorry to, really ever trust that we really feel it in our heart and mean it? If I actually make those calls, and that person has read this, will they really believe this is something I feel (which I won't make the call if I don't feel it) and not just an assignment that I was trying to fulfill?

I don't know what I am going to do other then pray a lot. I know God has a plan, I just hope I will shut up and listen to Him.

Beautiful Day to Ride

Today was such a beautiful day and we just couldn't let this day go without riding. We added a twist though, we actually went caching too. Hadn't been caching in over a year and a half. We use to cache all the time but when we started bike, for some reason we stopped caching. I had to do some maintenance on a friends cache this week and it resparked the bug. We hunted for four but only found two. One thing I noticed though is that there aren't enough caches along the river trail. I don't want to put any more out but I might have too.

The ride was great but the wind was brutal. We parked at the submarine and headed west to the Big Dam Bridge then crossed over to the Little Rock side and headed back east to the River Market. We paused at the playground to let the girls run around. We met a nice family of 7 who inquired about riding the trail. Maybe we inspired another family to ride together. Then we headed back across the river via the new junction pedestrian bridge.

A Running Family

Last fall, when Erin went back to running club, things changed. One, instead of right after school on Tuesdays, it was moved to Sunday afternoons at 3:00 pm and it was opened to all the Cabot schools instead of just ours. Since it was Sunday now, Marty and I could actually participate with her. We didn't want to leave Emily out, so Sunday afternoons at 3 became the family run time.

Marty and I really need some physical exercise since both of our work has become office jobs. We joking said that if we continued all the way through we should do the 5K of the Little Rock Marathon since Erin would be doing her final mile at the Little Rockers Marathon then too. We were joking right? At least I was. Marty, I found, not so much.

Well, the ups and downs of Arkansas weather, we did complete the requirements for Erin and Emily to do the Little Rockers Marathon. But we also got the bright idea of the whole family doing the 5K together. Emily was the keenest on this but she agreed, since her friend Kristen was going to do the 5K, and I signed everyone up.

Well Saturday the 6th of March was "THE" day. So, Marty and me and Erin get up and we meet Emily and Kristen down there (Emily spent the evening with Kristen - hope they got sleep). We were blessed with a cool but not cold morning with a beautiful sunrise. We were there earlier then needed but that's ok. We're newbies. The starting line was on President Clinton Boulevard (or Markham street if you lived here prior to Clinton being president) and headed east to the Clinton Library before turning South for a block and then back West. We started farther back in the pack so the seasoned runners could take off on their way. Emily and Kristen were a head of us and Marty, Erin and I would We headed west from the library up 3rd Street to Broadway. Then it was North on Broadway one block to 2nd Street. Then East for 4 block to Izard. 4 more blocks south to 6th street. 1 block west again to Chester. Pass the first water station and mile 2 as we head North to LaHarpe. We turned East on LaHarpe and headed to the finish line back at the River Market.

This was so much fun. We ran the whole thing almost completely together. Erin finished first (she beat her dad only by crossing first). Then Marty. I was 4 minutes behind them and then Emily and Kristen crossed about 4 minutes behind me. It felt so good. Did I really say that? We are already talking about doing another 5K in May.

Love Dare

Our church decided this year, for February, that we would do the Love Dare. Sunday the 17th was the official first meeting and last week was the first week of dares. Marty and I had watched the movie about a year ago, so we had a good idea of what this was all about.

We each selected a different day last week to start without telling each other which one and then we began. Kinda of funny for us to not tell each other because it didn't take long to know who was on what day when day 3 requires you to purchase something for your spouse. LOL. I don't think either of us are having too many issues with the actual dares thus far. Most of these we have been doing already or were doing but have let lag some due to day to day hassles of life.

I'm on day 10 and am looking forward to each day. The first 9 days have basically been a reminder to court each other like when we were dating. So that is kind of fun.

I so love my husband and being married has been a blessing. I thank God for the love and companionship that He has blessed me with in Marty.

I am praying for all others that are doing this study with us and that they find the peace and love that Marty and I are reviving in our marriage.