Forgiveness

Okay, for the last four weeks our church has been doing a church wide study called "Live Like You Were Dying." Yes it is based off the Tim McGraw song. It is only four weeks long and the topics have been 1) live like you are dying, 2) speak sweeter, 3) love deeper and tonight 4) give forgiveness.

Now we were charge to do a spiritual inventory of the broken relationships in our lives and then to call, visit or email those people and reconcile the relationship(s). I've been thinking about this and I sit here and struggle with the doing. Not with the reason why we need to but just the doing. I fully agree that Christ has forgiven me and all who have sinned and to be like Him, that I too must forgive. But the calling of someone who has hurt me and tell them I forgive them or someone whom I have hurt and ask them to forgive me????? How do I do that? How do I know they even give me a second thought much less care? What if it was something big to me but something they don't even remember? What if I did something that is eating away at someone that I don't now about and I miss communicating with them and asking their forgiveness?

What if...........

I can only repair myself, I know. It must start with me, I know. But where do I start, this I don't know. There in sits my dilemma. Who have I hurt? I have never meant to hurt anyone in my life. I can't stand to think that I have though I know I must have. After all, I'm human and it's our human nature.

If anyone out there is reading this and I have hurt you, please send me an email and let me know. It's not that whatever I did that hurt you doesn't matter to me but I just don't remember all that well anymore. Not an excuse, mind you, just a sad fact that I keep trying to avoid. I barely remember yesterday much less last week, or last month, or last year.

Forgiveness - what a complexed emotion. Can we ever really give it and let go like Christ? Can someone we tell we are sorry to, really ever trust that we really feel it in our heart and mean it? If I actually make those calls, and that person has read this, will they really believe this is something I feel (which I won't make the call if I don't feel it) and not just an assignment that I was trying to fulfill?

I don't know what I am going to do other then pray a lot. I know God has a plan, I just hope I will shut up and listen to Him.